Its that time of year again when all the schools break up and hoards of children are inflicted on the poor general public… I know I say it like I absolutely hate all children which I quite clearly don’t as I have one myself but the abundance of rude mouthy children that I encounter on a day to day basis is something I shudder when I think about. I’m looking forward to spending a lot of time with Tapanga as she is undoubtedly the most amazing little human being I have ever encountered but I am not looking forward to the constant knocks on the door followed by the following conversation which I get on a all too regular basis…
Child – “Tapangas mum, can Tapanga come out to play?”
Me – “No not today”
Child – “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?”
Me – “Because I said so”
Child – “TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”
Me – “Because we are busy and I said so!”
Child – “Tapanga, Tapanga your mum said you can’t play out! WHYYYYYYY?”
Tapanga – “Because she said I’m not allowed, we are doing something”
Me – “Goodbye!”
What I really want to say in them instances is ‘F@*k off you little rat!’. I mean I am all for children playing out and I know they ask questions but these children are so rude most of the time and this is one of the politer conversations I have with them, most of the time these conversations are shadowed by the kissing of teeth and the use of the phrase ‘That’s a neck!’ which only my common sense tells me what it must mean because I am way too old to know what any childhood lingo means, I mean in my day bad meant good!.
I’m trying to figure out how to survive because I am far from the mothering type, I wish I could stay home and do tons of arts and crafts while whipping up a batch of cookies while baking a cake with Tapanga or I wish I could take us on wonderful picnics where we find loads of things to scrapbook but I can’t because I am not that type – I would love to be but I just don’t have that inbuilt mother greatness installed inside me.
Instead Tapanga and I are going to do things that we both enjoy so I don’t send myself crazy and she doesn’t get bored. Some of the things we have planned include a bus tour around London, visiting Ripley’s Believe It or Not, Going to the new IMAX Cinema in Bluewater, Chessington World of Adventures, day trips to the beach and swimming.
I might just grab myself a pair of earplugs so that I can sit blissfully and not have to listen to any children but my own.
Please tell me how I am going to survive the summer holidays?