Right, you guys know I am always honest with you and I thought I might as well tell you where I’ve been, why there’s been such a long break in my posts and generally why I’ve had a bit of an absence from all forms of social media.
I fell in love, got my heart broken, became a social recluse and then went into full on fuck it mode.
I’m not the type of girl who does that whole mushy love stuff, I mean I think it’s beautiful and I’m an advocate for cute couples in the movies, the girl getting the guy and watching an epic love story play out. Me, I like to hold back and not get my feelings crushed.
Long story short, I ended up falling for someone. He was my friend, the relationship made the shit hit the fan with many people around us and it ended up with me getting hurt.
The worst part is I feel a bit stupid, you know when you feel like you know someone but in the end you don’t really know them at all? It kind of felt like that. I had a lot of unanswered questions and a lot of anger built up inside me. I didn’t really know why someone who said that they loved me and allowed me to catch feelings for them would hurt me, why he didn’t want to fight for a relationship he wanted as much as me and most of all why someone who had been my friend for as long as we had would want to hurt me in a way that he did.
I’m quite over the relationship now, I put it down to me getting caught up in a whirlwind of feeling like a Disney princess and allowing myself to think that love could be this wonderful thing where everything would turn out swimmingly. I am however not over the friendship, which is quite hard as you’ve got to try to grieve for a lost relationship and your friendship separately.
I’m not going to lie, it really knocked my confidence and made my anxiety skyrocket for a while. I just didn’t feel like I was good enough to do anything, like everything I would try to do I would just fail. I got quite nervous around people and felt like everyone was judging me.
Luckily I have some amazing friends who really rallied around me, picked me back up, told me how perfect I am and basically that I shouldn’t be crying over some fuck boy.
Now, I’m feeling happier again and I am going to enjoy the single life as much as I can. I still have my days where I feel down in the dumps and I feel like I can’t face the world but every day gets a little bit easier, I feel less anxious and I can be myself.